Swine flu. Run for my life!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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