if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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