You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
