glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
