What did we do last night that was yellow?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
