I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
