Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
