Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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