Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
