when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
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I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
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Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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