Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
All the doctor said was why
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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