i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
