stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just googled if crying burns calories
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
