Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
