I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
