Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
