I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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