i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The ass gains better be worth it
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