I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
