i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
