The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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