the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
