i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
