We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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