My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
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I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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