I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
