Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
