dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
