At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
How's work?
Spinning.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
