nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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