I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
