Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
