I just saw a hot homeless man
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
