if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
