college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
