Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
