I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
