why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
