they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
In America we eat man semen.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
