i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
