Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
