So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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