Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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