:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
