How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
honey bunches of taint.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
