I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
