Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
