You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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