im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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