he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
