It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
