I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
