Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i now understand why vodka
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
