Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
