i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just pee around me
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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