Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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