im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
