Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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