somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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