so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize