Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
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If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
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I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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