forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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