U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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