I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
