I wish I could teleport
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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