My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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