i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
