it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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