At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
