What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
