We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Someone stole a lamp last night.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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