If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
