Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize