its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
