When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
