the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
