dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I want her autograph on my taint
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
