i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
