Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
