Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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