just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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