Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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