end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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