No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
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I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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