who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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